Well, I don't totaly agree with some of the definitions given. One should first not confuse a newbie with a lamer and if that happens to be, in other words if a lamer newbie comes up, then you call him a n00b. However, patience must exist towards newbies for all of us have already been newbies once in our IRC experience and hence needed explanation of certain more or less simple issues (from the expert point of view).

     However, n00bs, lamers and b00ns are all a pain in the ass when we get confronted with them. Their ego is their power and any critisism leads to a burst of irrational fury that might go from bad words to a total ban or nuking if they have war scripts (especially boons, powerful lamers who got op nobody knows why).

     However, the key issue is this: anyone, and i mean it, ANYONE can turn into a lamer sometimes, because it depends on the mood or sadly, but very frequently, on the majority of the people in a channel. If a channel is full of lamers and you try to impose respect you shall end up being called a lamer yourself.

     So, in order to avoid lamerness and have a nice day one must hang out with people who are lameless besides never answering a lamer's bidding, for in doing so, you are participating in their stupid scheme. I hope to have made myself understood.

- JP

Article II

     A lamer is as user [usually] on an IRC server. Most lamers do not know the difference between a “client”, “server”, or “protocol”.
For example, most lamers believe that “mIRC” is “the IRC”. It’s quite hard to explain really. The same idea can be used with the OSCAR protocol. For example:

myUserName: Hey. What client are you using?
xoxoLUUVERxoxo: uhh.. wat? AIM i tink
myUserName: You should switch to gaim. It’s a very nice client.
xoxoLUUVERxoxo: gaim is gay. every1 uses aim. gaim prolly doesnt use screennames LOL!!!!!111one

     As you can see, this is very annoying. Most lamers do not have people skills, and lack knowledge about computers. In my studies, lamers’ age can vary from 7-15 years of age. I am not ruling out anybody, however.
     Most lamers have exceptionally high egos. Due to these high egos, they are unwilling to learn, and believe that they are supreme to everyone else. Most lamers over-use acronyms such as “lol”. These acronyms are usually capitalized. In addition, they append letters such as “z” and “!” after acronyms to get attention. Some lamers use words such as “becoz” and “y” to represent “because” and “why”. The purpose of this is to keep typing to a minimum, as lamers cannot type fast/well.

     Excessive colors are also used to get attention. The main reason for this “wanting of attention” is because *some* lamers have AD[H]D. (Attention Deficit (Hyperactivity) Disorder) (Not all people with AD[H]D are lamers though. Not to offend anyone).

     Lamers generally lack common-sense as well. For example, they don’t care HOW it works or WHY. They just care that it works. You could tell a lamer to type deltree….etc. They will do this because they do not bother to look it up. They also do not understand how vulnerable they are. You can get a lamer’s address by just ASKING FOR IT. Most lamers get a rush when they are in a place they have information.
     For example, most lamers think that WHOISing a user makes them elite. We all know of course, this is false. As stated earlier, lamers lack computer skills. When you combine a lack of computer knowledge with a rush because of information, you get an IP address. Lamers think that when they have someone’s ip address, they rule the world. This is frowned upon.
Another example of a lack of computer knowledge is Linux. Lamers think that Linux is what all hackers use because it is a command line. They think: “hackers must use it because it’s really hard to use” when in essence, it is not. Lamers usually never used Linux before, but claim to just to fit in. Even if they have used Linux, they probably have never actually used it in a production environment before (Such as typing a essay up in it, etc).

     In addition, lamers believe that they are hackers when they download POC (proof of concept) tools. These tools demonstrate that the real hacker knows what (s)he is talking about. Lamers would download and use these tools against people who call them lamers. They usually complain to the hacker when it doesn't work :/ These kinds of people are special types of lamers. They are called script kiddies. Script kiddies are the lowest of the low.

     Lamers also like to call anything “programming”. When they use the InstallShield to install a program, they believe that they are programming their computer.
     Mostly, lamers’ computers are full of spyware. The reason they get spyware is because they are fixated on getting to the porno site fast. A security dialog comes up. They do not bother to read it, they just want it to go away. All the understand is: “If I click yes, it’ll go away.” which leads to spyware problems. In addition to spyware, lamers think that, every time their computer doesn’t work like it always has, they must have a virus. In addition, they believe that virusses are not computer programs at all, but a more “immortal” entity.

     Last but not least, lamers do not know the difference between a website and an email address.

- Do you have a website?
- yeah.. it’s myemail@aol.com

     The best place to find lamers is Undernet. Reason being? A lot of lamers there are ircops (or IRC Cops as lamers put it). What happens when you combine a lamer and an ircop? The value/worth of your network drops to zero instantly. And considering that 99.998% of the ircops on Undernet are lamers, you can guess that the value/worth of Undernet is a negative number.

If anyone has anything else to add, feel free to email me at alex323 [at] mixxnet.net or contact me on IRC (nick = alex323) at mixx.ath.cx port 6667.

- Alex